


in the flesh

by tuberc-leo-fics (lourthor)



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16190228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lourthor/pseuds/tuberc-leo-fics
Summary: A brave scientist figured out how to bring people back to life by turning them into androids. Sometimes, the loved ones are the people who have the hardest time with this change.





	in the flesh

**Author's Note:**

> This story is to hit my "Robots & Androids" square on the Fantasia Fic Bingo board. The story was inspired half by the error music video and half by the tv show In The Flesh, hence the title. If you have a problem with reading about depression, please read a different story.

Jaehwan leapt up from the couch as soon as he heard the heavy knock on the door. They were supposed to have arrived an hour ago, but the government was always late, or so he had heard. Something about rules and having to double check the security parameters, but he didn’t understand why exactly that would apply in this situation.

His hand hesitated on the knob before turning it, not sure if he was ready to face what was behind the door, but another, more insistent knock sounded, so he hit his chest to still his pounding heart and slowly turned his hand, opening the door.

“Hi, Jaehwan,” Hongbin said, grinning widely at him. He looked the same, his teeth still the same size and color, his mouth just as wide as it was 5 months ago, the last time Jaehwan had seen him alive. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”

Jaehwan took a small step back, allowing his boyfriend – is he still his boyfriend? He wasn’t too sure – to make his way inside. The government official in the ill-fitting suit that Jaehwan hadn’t even noticed followed him inside, making Hongbin turn back and scowl at him.

“Seriously? You don’t need to come in with me,” Hongbin said. “Weren’t you just supposed to deliver me home? You can go back to work now.”

The man just waved him off and turned to Jaehwan. “I need to go through safety and upkeep procedures with you. Did you receive our package yesterday?” Jaehwan nodded. “Good. Let me show you how to charge him. Where’s your bedroom?”

Jaehwan padded his way down the small hallway and into the room he had been sleeping in alone for the past 5 months. He spent about a month of that time in bed, crying into the pillow and refusing to get up. The room didn’t hold good memories for him anymore.

“I see you already plugged in the machine,” the man said motioning to where it sat on the floor, a foreign, but now necessary object. “Come here,” he said gruffly, motioning to Hongbin. Hongbin rolled his eyes and made his way to the man, allowing himself to be grabbed and turned around roughly, a grunt coming out at the motion.

“You see the port at the base of his neck? Every night, he’ll need to charge for at least 6 hours. You need to plug in the charging cable and tighten the knob before turning on the machine, otherwise you can cause him to short circuit. If that happens, you need to call us immediately and we’ll bring him back to our lab.”

Throughout the entire spiel, Jaehwan stayed quiet, just soaking in the information being presented to him. He didn’t even dare look at Hongbin.

“Do you have any questions?” the government man asked. Jaehwan shook his head. “Alright, I’ll see myself out. Have a good night.”

Jaehwan stayed where he was standing until he heard the door close. He startled when he felt someone tap his shoulder.

“What, no hello for me?” Hongbin asked, giving him a mock glare. It was so him, such a familiar sight that Jaehwan almost felt like the past 5 months hadn’t happened. Almost.

Just as Hongbin’s smile started to fade, Jaehwan finally allowed himself to smile back as he stepped up to meet his boyfriend and gave him a big hug, pressing his cheek firmly into his shoulder.

“Welcome home,” he said, allowing just one tear to escape and make its way down his cheek, hiding itself at the end in the folds of Hongbin’s shirt.

\--

_They got together three months before graduation. Hongbin already had a job lined up at the photography studio he had interned in his junior and senior year of university. Within one month of dating, they were already talking about moving in with each other after graduation. When Jaehwan found a job the week before they graduated, their plans began to solidify._

_They rarely fought, even after moving in with each other, which was something their friends envied. Both of them were pretty happy people, and if one was seen without a smile on their face, something was clearly wrong. But they always smiled, and they enjoyed spending time together, which lead them smoothly through three years of dating. That’s when things started to change._

_“Do you not love me anymore?” Jaehwan asked one night over dinner. When they had time, they tried to cook together. Neither one of them was a good cook, but they enjoyed attempting to make things together._

_Hongbin looked at him from across the table, head tilting to the side. “Why do you ask that? You know I love you.”_

_“Yeah, but,” Jaehwan started, unsure of how to vocalize his thoughts. “You never… smile anymore.”_

_Hongbin rolled his eyes, wincing slightly at the motion. “Of course I do. See? I’m smiling now,” he said, proceeding to give the fakest smile Jaehwan had ever seen. The motion didn’t even come close to making it to his eyes._

_“Yeah, of course,” Jaehwan said, giving a fake smile in return as his guts twisted with anxiety. “Sorry.”_

\--

“So, what do you want to do?” Hongbin asked when they made their way back to the living room. “Now that I’m back to my normal self, we can pick up right where we left off. Want me to kick your butt at computer games?”

Jaehwan refused to let the words normal self effect him, pushing the thoughts that started springing up to the back of his mind.

“How about we cook dinner together?” he asked, giving Hongbin a tentative smile. He received a real smile back.

“Sure!”

They quickly fell back into old routines, bickering as they chopped and sautéed. It had been a long time since Jaehwan had cooked for himself, surviving on the meals his family and friends had cooked for him for the first several months, but that had eventually died out and he ordered take-out for the one meal he did eat every day.

“Why don’t you set the table and I’ll put this in a dish?” Jaehwan asked, already getting a large spoon out to ladle their meal into a serving dish. Hongbin hummed his assent and made his way to the table.

Jaehwan stopped short as he looked at the table, noticing that there was only one plate and set of chopsticks out at his usual seat. Hongbin had none in front of him.

“What, are you just going to eat out of the bowl?” Jaehwan asked, joking with him. Hongbin laughed.

“No, I can’t eat anymore, remember?”

Jaehwan immediately stopped short. No, he hadn’t remembered. His head felt like it was underwater, and it was hard to breathe all of a sudden. He felt someone take the dish out of his hands as he stood there, not seeing anything in front of him.

“Oh shit, baby,” he finally heard as he was lead to the couch. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jaehwan heard himself say. “I’m… going to bed.”

He stood up and didn’t even acknowledge the hand that helped him into the bedroom and settled him on the bed.

“Look, Jaehwan, I’m sorry,” Hongbin said. “I never wanted to do this to you.”

Jaehwan shook his head coming out of his fugue. “It’s really not your fault. God, I’m such a mess.”

“If you can’t deal with… me,” Hongbin said, “I can always go stay with my parents.”

“No, that’s not what I want,” Jaehwan said, “I just need some time to adjust. It’s been a while since you’ve been home, but I love you and I want to stay with you. Just… give me time.”

Hongbin nodded. “They never told me, but, how long was I gone?”

“5 months,” Jaehwan responded. “The longest 5 months of my life.”

\--

_“Man, Jaehwan, will you ever be able to beat me?” Hongbin asked from where he sat next to Jaehwan at the computer. As soon as they moved into their apartment two and a half years ago, they converted the extra bedroom into a gaming room. Often, after coming home from work, they would sit down next to each other and play together. Jaehwan had improved drastically over the past years, but he could still never beat Hongbin. It was a sore point._

_“I’m telling you,” Jaehawn responded, “I’m getting better. I beat my other friends all the time. You’re just freakishly good.”_

_“I know,” Hongbin grinned cheakily. “But what can you do?”_

_“Keep trying,” Jaehwan said. “Another round?”_

_Hongbin didn’t even respond, just turned back to the screen setting up his hands in the correct place on the keyboard and mouse. Jaehawn turned back to his own screen, concentrating on the game. Several minutes later, he got a shock as he saw Hongbin’s character make a strange jerk on screen, paired with a small sound of smashing keys coming from his side as he died._

_“Are you okay?” he asked, staring at Hongbin who just sat at his chair, hands misplaced and curled._

_“Yeah,” he said. “Just had a weird muscle spasm. I think I’m just tired from work. We had so many people coming in to take pictures of their kids for the new year. Hardly had any time to even think.”_

_“Well, let’s take a break, then,” Jaehwan said, quitting and turning off the computer. “We should eat something soon anyway.”_

_“What do you want to cook today?” Hongbin asked, standing up and stretching, stumbling a little as he raised his hands above his head, his vision going dark for a second. He pretended nothing happened, simply smiling at Jaehwan, the corners of his mouth a little strained._

_“Whatever we can make with what little we have in the fridge. Someone forgot to pick up groceries after work today.”_

_“My bad,” Hongbin said, shrugging at his boyfriend. “I thought it was your week. I’ll go tomorrow.”_

_They worked side by side chopping and cooking, losing themselves in the familiar motions of making dinner together. This time, Jaehwan saw Hongbin’s hands as they jerked and curled, the knife coming dangerously close to chopping off one of his fingers as it fell to the cutting board with a clatter. The moment only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to decide that Hongbin was better off not cooking today._

_“Here,” Jaehwan said quietly, reaching for the knife. “Let me chop. You can stir.”_

\--

Jaehwan woke up to the door of the bedroom slamming open and a heavy hand hitting him in the chest. He groaned and opened his eyes to glare at his boyfriend.

"What?" he asked, voice still scratchy with sleep. Hongbin just glared at him.

"I just got off the phone with Hakyeon. Why haven't you talked to him in three weeks? He and the rest of the guys have been super worried," Hongbin said, somehow managing to glare at him with the perfect mixture of anger and disappointment.

"Are you gossiping about me?" Jaehwan asked as he sat up, pushing Hongbin's hand off of his chest. "Wow, nothing has changed."

Hongbin smiled at that. "Come on, it's not as if we'e comparing sex lives like we used to. That would be impossible, as I currently don't have one." Jaehwan got an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, something that had been common place the past few days. "But don't change the subject. Why haven't you talked to anyone?"

Jaehwan felt tears well in his eyes and saw Hongbin frown through the blur that formed.

"Because I'm sad, you idiot. I'm depressed. My boyfriend died and it felt like my world ended. The last thing I want to do is talk to people," he spat out the last word. When Hongbin reached out to touch his shoulder, he shrugged it off as quick as he could and took a step back.

"Look, I don't think you understand. You died Hongbin," Jaehwan said, looking up at his boyfriend. "You died and left me for 5 months. Time stopped for you, but I had to keep going. You were..." he stopped to swallow a sob, "you were my everything. I wanted to be with you forever, but that changed."

Hongbin looked like he wanted to cry, but no tears would form. He tried to reach out again, but Jaehwan moved out of his reach a second time.

"Why... why didn't you ask for help? Anyone could have helped you, been a shoulder to lean on, support you, hell, even seeing a doctor would help-"

"-What, like you did?" Jaehwan asked, cutting him off. "Don't even open your mouth and try, Hongbin," he said when it looked like he wanted to say something. "You didn't go get help until it was too late, no matter how much I begged you."

Hongbin was crying now, but no tears came out. "Yeah, I..." he trailed off. "Yeah..."

He quickly left the room after that.

\--

_"Babe, what did I say about the toilet paper?" Jaehwan called from the bathroom. "I texted you yesterday to pick more up."_

_"What?" Hongbin asked as he came to the door, opening it up and seemingly not bothered looking at his boyfriend on the toilet. "What about toilet paper?"_

_"I texted you yesterday, Hongbin. And you texted me back 'ok.' Now, where is the toilet paper?" Jaehwan asked._

_Hongbin just shook his head while smiling. "Sorry, don't really remember you asking me for more."_

_"Well, if you didn't notice," Jaehwan said, motioning at his current predicament. "I am currently in need of some. Go now."_

_"Yes, fine," Hongbin said, still smiling. "I'll be back in about 15 minutes."_

_Jaehwan sat patiently, playing a game on his phone while he waited for his boyfriend to return. The convenience store was only a five minute walk from their apartment, so he shouldn't take too long._

_"I'm back!" Hongbin called out cheerfully. Jaehwan heard his feet pad on the floor as he made the short walk to the bathroom and opened the door. "I couldn't remember what you said you wanted, so I bought some of your favorite snacks for when we are gaming tonight," he said, proudly showing the packaging of Jaehwan's favorite chips._

_"Ha ha," Jaehwan deadpanned. "Now, hand it over."_

_Hongbin handed him the bag and took a step back, turning around as he did so. When he started walking back out, Jaehwan called after him. "Hey, where is my toilet paper, asshole?"_

_Hongbin came back with a confused look on his face. "What toilet paper? I thought we still had some in the cabinet?"_

_Jaehwan smacked a hand to his head. "Babe, that was literally the only reason you went out to the store. You can't tell me you forgot?" he asked. Hongbin's confused look didn't change, and Jaehwan felt his stomach drop, suddenly queasy._

_"You've been forgetting things a lot lately, haven't you?" he asked softly. Hongbin just shrugged. "You should go to the doctor. Your body has not been agreeing with you recently."_

_"It's just stress," Hongbin said shrugging again. "I'm fine."_

_It took three more months and a grand mal seizure before he went to the doctor. And by then, it was too late._

\--

"So, this is nice," Hongbin said as they walked through the park. Before, this was their routine every Sunday. They would take a walk outside, enjoy each other's company and the fresh air. Hongbin said it refreshed the mind and body. Jaehwan thought it was an annoyance, but it felt nice to get out of the house every once in a while, so he supposed Hongbin was right.

"Yeah, it's great," Jaehwan said, and he actually meant it. He hadn't been outside in almost a week. That really was too much time to spend indoors without any fresh air.

"Let's go feed the ducks," Hongbin said, taking Jaehwan's hand and leading him over to their usual feeding spot. "Do you have the corn and lettuce?"

Jaehwan shook his head. "Sorry, forgot."

Hongbin gasped and shook is hand free from Jaehwan's grip. "Are you serious?" he asked. "Every Sunday we feed the birds corn and lettuce. What will they eat if we can't feed them?"

"It's just been a while," Jaehwan said, looking down. "Besides, they survived, didn't they?"

"What is your problem?" Hongbin asked, voice louder than usual as he looked at Jaehwan. Several people glanced over at the shout before they kept walking, trying to avoid the scene. "Why do you keep saying these... quips. They make me feel like you don't want me here. I just... do you even love me anymore?" he asked, voice breaking.

Jaehwan hesitated a moment. "Of course I do... you're just... different," he said.

Hongbin dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. "No, I'm not."

Jaehwan rolled his eyes.

"I'm not, Jaehwan," Hongbin said. "Sure, parts of me are made of metal and wires and I have to be plugged in every night, but what did you used to love about me? My smile?" Hongbin gave off a big smile. "Still looks the same, doesn't it? My personality? I act like I always have. Hell, I'm better than I was before because all of the cancerous cells died with me. They can't change me anymore." Hongbin took a deep breath. "I don't know how you can't see that I'm the same as I've always been. You're the one that doesn't love me for me anymore."

Jaehwan was struck dumb. His mouth kept opening and closing as Hongbin glared into his eyes.

"The only one that changed is you," Hongbin gave as a parting shot. "I'm going home."

He turned around and walked out of the park, head held high as Jaehwan just stared after him.

\--

_"The tumor is too advanced, we won't be able to operate," the doctor said as he looked at the two of them holding hands, Hongbin sitting on the bed and Jaehwan in the chair. "The only thing we can do now is try and make him as comfortable as possible, try and stop the seizures from occurring and keep an eye on him. I recommend entering a hospice care center, but we can explore other options to suit your needs."_

_Hongbin gripped Jaehwan's hand tighter, sniffling a little to stop the tears from falling. "So, um, how long...?" he trailed off not able to ask a question about his own time of death._

_"Looking at the rate your tumor has progressed, probably around 2 months," the doctor said. "I'm sorry."_

_"That's it?" Jaehwan asked, swiping at his own tears. "Only... only 2 months? What about radiation? Couldn't we prolong this? People survive brain tumors all the time."_

_"Sometimes, yes, but we didn't catch this quick enough. The tumor is too big and the cancer has spread farther than just the origin. It's now in the cental nervous system. We, unfortunately, won't be able to catch everything."_

_"Jaehwan, it's okay," Hongbin said, trying to smile. "We'll just have to make this the best 2 months ever."_

_"What, while your body shuts down?"_

_"Jaehwan, it's going to be okay," Hongbin just says. "I'm sorry."_

\--

"I'm sorry," Jaehwan said as he touched Hongbin's shoulder where he was laying on the bed. "I... you're right. I changed."

Hongbin moved his shoulder a bit, but didn't look back to meet Jaehwan's eyes.

"I... I called Hakyeon. He recommended me to see his psychiatrist. I made an appointment, but I'll have to wait 3 weeks. She's pretty busy and apparently I'm seen as low risk. But... yeah," Jaehwan said. "I'll try my best to get better. I'm sorry my brain is doing this. That... I'm doing this."

Hongbin just sighed and rolled over so he could look at his boyfriend. "Jaehwan, it's okay. I mean, not okay okay, but we'll be fine. I just want you to remember that me dying and coming back to life, that wasn't my fault. It's not something you get to blame me for. I had to suffer, just like you are now. As long as you are willing to try, I'm willing to wait. As long as you need. Okay?"

Jaehwan nodded. "Okay."

"Great," said Hongbin. "Now, come here," he said as he yanked Jaehwan on to the bed and gave him a crushing hug.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please let me know what you think. You can find me on tumblr at [leothevixxn](leothevixxn.tumblr.com) or [tuberc-leo-fics](tuberc-leo-fics.tumblr.com) .


End file.
